Once upon an ether, a celestial janitor misplaced the mystic mop in the currents, and divine chaos ensued.

The committee of Immortal Beings has announced the launch of our new advisory service: decoding the cryptic whispers of the Universe’s Internet. Did you hear the skit where Saturn actually liked something on Mars’ Facebook wall? Chaos, dear reader, pure cosmic chaos.

• Semi-annual laughter audits – because everyone needs a punchline with their punch cards.
• Premium subscriptions to the Celestial Comedy Club – featuring guest stars like the Milky Way’s dance moves.
• Fatalism consultations – the silver linings have bookings too, you know.

And all this while the planets align in a rather unbecoming triangle, casting doubt over our abilities to stream cosmic energy in convenient, irony-laden bundles.

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